September 24: Day +84

Hands in Hands... Bella getting to hold mommy and daddy's hands...

Heaveno!

You know what over 240 comments in the past two days causes?

A miracle.

I walked into rounds this morning, and the resident explained that not only did Bella's blood pressure continue to be AMAZING after we left last night, but that is was SO good, that they - get this - weaned her phenylephrine overnight by 20%! She tolerated her precedex wean over night, and was doing phenomenally well.

Just then, Dr. Doom himself actually SCOFFED OUT LOUD and said, "[scoff] surprisingly well." Seriously!

Hey, every great story needs an antagonist, and if his role in this cosmic game is to continue to act like a j#$^*#ss, then so be it. In fact, THANK YOU, Dr. Doom, for playing the role of antagonist. Thanks to you, you have GALVANIZED the world's intentions that Bella be well not only to witness a miracle, but to spite you! I'm serious. I am grateful for the fire that has erupted in me and you, due to his dim prognosis yesterday. Sometimes in life we marshal ourselves into action for the noblest of reasons, and sometimes it's just to prove someone else wrong! Whatever the reason, if it works, that's what counts! Maybe he pissed off Bella talking about her negatively in the third person while standing over her bed. If that is the case, I am sincerely grateful for him.

To be fair, here is the other reason I am grateful for Dr. Doom. (I just can't stop calling him that - it just has such a funny ring to it...) This is the REST of the story I wanted to tell you yesterday but couldn't because my computer battery died before I got the chance...

Hopefully all of you realize I published a book in March about Bella's first 3 months of life called Bella's Blessings: a Humble Story of Providence. After realizing on Bella's third day of life that her hospital was located on Providence Street, I began to consider that Bella was here on a mission, and that God was guiding her journey, and providing support for us in ways we couldn't predict. Once I began to look for God's blessings and signs of providence, they started popping up all over the place. So many, in fact, that I had to write a book about the experience.

Anyhow, the rest of the story is another chapter of providence for you. It goes like this:

When Dr. Wagner and the attending BMT doc returned to our room yesterday afternoon, Dr. Wagner recounted the following story. I will try to quote him directly, but some paraphrasing will no doubt occur, so here goes:

"I was talking with Dr. Doom about Bella's case last night before turning over my patients to him, and when I explained to him that Bella was dealing with a capillary leak issue, he mentioned that he had just read an article in the Journal Blood about this very problem. In the case study, a BMT patient with a very similar history and problem set as Bella was given the drug bevacizumab and it turned their hypotension around almost instantly, like within a few minutes or hours. What makes it such a coincidence is that if any other doctor had been coming on, we wouldn't have had this same conversation, since it was Dr. Doom here who read the article in the journal..."

Where some see coincidence, I see providence.

Didn't Morpheus say that in The Matrix: Reloaded? :)

I smiled and let him have his coincidence. I don't believe in coincidences. Regardless of what the truth about them might be, I prefer to see them as providence. It lights me up way more to think that there is a loving God out there overseeing all of the universe, who from time to time lays out clues, tips, hints, and little morsels of support along the way in each of our respective games of life we are all playing. Now, THAT sounds like fun! I like to think of life like a game, and it makes the game fun for me to think of it in such a way. I look for clues and hints, and because I have faith they are there waiting for me, I always find them. The catch is that sometimes they don't LOOK like opportunities for growth or support or the helpful hints I think I want or need. Sometimes, they disguise themselves as problems, struggles, even tragedies to make it much more challenging for me. I find that the better I get at the game, the bigger the obstacles that show up. Like any game, the better you get, you increase your difficulty level to challenge yourself. So, you can see inside of this paradigm, I am humbled that God thinks I can hang at this level by assigning me the role of Bella's daddy. What a game, indeed! Let's just say that I'm having to dig pretty deep on this level and I've definitely broken a sweat! :)

So, throughout the day today, I read YOUR comments from yesterday and today to Bella while holding her hand. It was magical. To be reading them to Bella at the same time as reading them to myself was such a treat. The way you all shared yourselves over these past two days... Something has shifted drastically in the way you share. You now tell us about YOU... Your struggles, your triumphs, your passions, your pain. As a result, we feel an intimacy with you that we cannot believe is possible through this medium, yet is. As people came in the room today, they were blown away by the stories you shared with us. They were all so inspiring; I know that I could feel the energy from your written words come alive in me as I breathed them into the room. I could feel the energy surge down through my arm and out through my hand, pulsing as it transmitted your love and energy into Bella's hand and arm. It was extraordinary.

YOU TOUCHED BELLA TODAY. Physically. Powerfully.

So much so that her blood pressure has looked STELLAR ALL DAY today... EVEN WHEN SHE WAS NAPPING!

Those top 4 waves are what we are following... pay no attention to the red box at the bottom.

We are all walking inside this miracle together, right here, right now. We are making it happen with Bella, together. We are in the middle of a world-wide communion of faith, love, passion, belief, compassion, generosity, support, and family. We are one family united for Bella.

We are Team Bella!

Thank you for being a part of this team. Yesterday and today happened the way they happened because of all of us, even Dr. Doom. See, I told you I am grateful even for him! All of this happened exactly the way it did because YOU showed up. If you hadn't, the experience would not have been the same. In some way, even at the quantum level, it would have been different. But it isn't. THIS IS IT.

The added blessing of the day was when Angelique walked through Bella's door at around 9:30 this morning! My phone was turned off charging, so I didn't know she was coming. She told her boss that she needed to be by Bella's side today, and her boss was AWESOME enough to let her take the day off and covered everything for her! We are so grateful for her employer, Verizon Wireless, we can't even tell you! It was sooooo nice seeing that beautiful woman stride through Bella's door! I instantly felt ten times as strong. Angelique and I have always held on to the premise that together, there is NOTHING we can't do. I instantly felt that power from her presence and knew it would be a good day, a special day, and it was.

So, the wall of cards is going to be constructed! I assembled some of the pieces today and have a team of friends here working on it over the weekend. I can't WAIT to have YOUR words of love and support SINGING OUT from every inch of wall space in Bella's room! You wrote that Bella is with you throughout every day. Well, now you will be with Bella all day, every day! Collectively, we are healing Bella. YOU are co-authors of this story now. There's no turning back now!

This is one of my childhood friends Bonnie, and her Hubby Brett and son Sidney. Brett drew this picture on their kitchen wall the day Bella got her Trach. She asked that I post this on Bella's wall in addition to the comments. Do you have a picture or card YOU want to send? Send it to timringgold@gmail.com or snail mail to 621 Oak St. SE Minneapolis, MN 55414.

Tomorrow, we'll continue the sedative wean as we did twice today. Every 12 hours we wean one of her sedatives by 10%. Bella is tolerating this very well right now. I'll be in morning rounds, no matter what time they are, then it's leg dressings, trach cleaning, and ulcer care. Ali and mommy are attending a "pet parade" in the lobby in the morning, then we're all going on the Mississippi Queen Riverboat for a 90 minute ride up the river! Ali has seen the fake one at Disneyland numerous times, now it's time for the real thing! Then, Ali has a play date with Collin again while Angelique stays to support Bella. We want to have more mommy and daddy coverage THIS weekend to keep her spirits up as she turns this important corner.

It's Bella's neck! I know! I haven't seen it much lately, either!

Thanks again, but don't stop now! What do YOU want to say to Bella that you may not have said yet? I PROMISE I'll be reading her comments to her every single day from now on.

Someone make me a sweatshirt that says, "Bella's Mouthpiece" on it. I'm a size Medium ;) That'll drive the docs NUTS! Angelique just said that she would LOVE it if I showed up every day in a sweatshirt that said "Bella's Mouthpiece" on it! Seriously. If you want in on the fun, 1st one to comment "I'LL DO IT!" with their email address wins. Okay, that's enough shenanigans for the night. I need sleep!

God night.