Sunday, July 29, 2012

July 29, 2012: Walkin...

Ali playing at a nearby park with our friends...

Grinding over her music theory homework in her Ringling Bro's hat she got yesterday!


Hope you are well wherever and whenever you are!

Are you watching the Olympics?  Can I just say how totally inspiring it is?  The amount of time and effort every single one of those athletes have dedicated to their sport to get them THERE... I really can't even comprehend it.  There was a commercial with a male athlete voice over saying, "I haven't had dessert in TWO YEARS."  I laughed.  I haven't had dessert in 25 hours!  LOL.  Seriously though, as if my over-achieving, work-a-holic self wasn't already bad enough... I just watch amazing story after story and just marvel...

... then I think things like...

yeah, the Olympics.  THAT's a good bucket list item.

Except, I'm of course not talking about going as a spectator.  My crazy brain starts thinking about the Senior Olympics, and if I started 'really training' now, how old do I have to be to compete?  Hey, my 40th birthday is like 33 days away, and I'm figuring, no time like the present to set yet another ridiculously out there goal!

Seriously, it gets tiring up here in my head.  Many times, I am swinging manically from idea vine to idea vine, thinking I am Timzan, king of the ideas.  Then, the coin flips, and I crash to the ground, landing in quicksand.  It is that feeling like, the more I move, the deeper I slip, that clutches at the fire inside me, plotting to quench its fire once and for all.  That's what it's like in here, but that's not news to you.  You've been reading the adventures of Timzan for over 3 years now... he flies, he sinks, he flies, he sinks.  Two sides of the same coin.  I recently started a file called, ominously enough, "The Coin" to log when my manic states kick in and for how long.

I probably made the file during one of them, because I think after the second entry, I forgot all about it.


I think I'm gonna re-write the Tom Jones classic into, "This Manic Moment."

Just kidding.

But not really.  In May, I was really having some mania, enough to start reading about BiPolar Disorder and start to interview some family members and a counselor I speak with on a regular basis, and I learned there are 3 levels of acuity, and that I sometimes resemble either of the bottom to types, but I am blessed to say that I do not exhibit the level of Type 1.  I can look back to middle school and remember my 8th grade teacher writing in my yearbook, "Tim shows flashes of brilliance, and would do well if he could sustain them," or something to that effect... I just remember the first part. ;-)  I've always called myself "a sprinter" in the game of life, and even when it came time for the Presidential Physical Fitness test every year, my hardest event was the 600m run.  I mean, it just took too much to hang on for that long without a break.  I was a fast 50m runner, but distance was just not my thing...

... some things never change.  I LOVE the 5,000m now, and wouldn't run a marathon if you paid me.

Funny how we are just wired a certain way, and THANK GO IN HEAVEN some of that wiring can be 'massaged' and re-routed a little. We can change.  I love Jim Rohn's line, "Unless you're a Goose, you can change the direction of your life.  A goose flies south for the winter.  He can't just decide this year, he's going east."... but we can.  That is good news, because it brings with it the seed of hope.  Hope is powerful, and infectious.  I like hope.  I am (still) naive enough to believe it is enough to get the ball rolling.

Look at PUCK.  We've raised over $100,000.00 in the past 18 months to help bring Dr. Tolar closer and closer to a safe treatment option for EB.  I can't tell you how we did that!  All I can say is we had a dream, and got in action.  AS SOON as you have an elegant idea for change, just get in action first, then figure out how second.  Every successful speaker I have ever heard has reiterated this conundrum.... ready - fire! - aim.  Nutty, right?

Yesterday, I was lying on the ground in the living room, and Julian was standing at the coffee table a few feet from me playing with two of our remote controls.  He had one in each hand, and he turned, made eye contact with me, smiled, and just walked over to me and collapsed on top of me like a heap.

His first steps!

It happened so fast that he didn't even know what he was doing.  Since then, whenever we are walking with him, if we so much as try to slide our hands out from his, he stops on a dime and sits down.

He's thinking about it now.  He wasn't thinking about it yesterday.  He just did it.  It's like we are trying to trick him into walking, and he has caught on and won't be doing any of this "spontaneousness" again.  I wonder for how long through his life will he be thinking or talking himself out of doing something because he doesn't fully have the how mapped out yet.  Condition: HUMAN.

This human just crashed for the night.  Timzan need sleep.

If you are considering change in some area of life, don't get stuck on how.  Make sure you have a big enough WHY, and you'll figure the how out, and that's when Providence seems to kick in anyway, so you are reminded that YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.  God is with you always, ALL WAYS.

God night!


  1. Whoa! This is a powerful photo of you two! Bella looks so strong and confident and full of purpose!! Her look is pure and clear. Tim, your look is of pure love and gratitude and something else that I can't put into precise words......

    Amazing. What a gift your relationship must have been. What a miracle.


  2. Beautiful picture... And good words! Made me thinking... I'm myself in a strange spot right now. Thanks for letting me be apart of your story and your life. Always an inspiration reading your blog. Yeah! His first steps!:-)

  3. Tim, I'm inspired by what you said about change. I do get stuck on the how, but I have thoughts now about my WHY being big enough. I looked up the word Providence: A manifestation of God's fore sight and care for his creatures. A making ready: preparation. I have been struggling with my weight for years. Now because of personal reasons and health I need to make my WHY big enough. You would make an awesome coach for someone like me. I will start today and think of all the times you have inspired me. First I will write down my WHY, and figure the how along the way. I will remind myself that I am not alone and that Providence will kick in... Thanks again for being my inspiration in so many ways...

  4. Tim,
    Love your skill at self-examination!! Take heed of the other end of the spectrum: plotters/plodders who take so long to cultivate which vine they'll grab next, they lose many opportunities along the way and basically concede their freedom - they get "stuck". It's a constant battle for balance of planning ahead while living in the present.

    Maybe the key is for you to channel your "flashes of brilliance" to a supporting cast that can take over the distance running - your fire fuels others. (I'm guessing Ang is a long distance runner and that's part of why your partnership is so strong.)

    Anyway - saying hi and keep up the flashes of brilliance. You never know how, when, or who will be inspired by them!!!

    Adrienne Provost

  5. Love that picture so much!

    As for Julian...did you give him the remotes to try walking again? Could be his black feather, like in Dumbo ;)

    I meant tO email you those splash park pics! Sorry!!!

  6. How exciting that Julian is walking!

    ~ Stacey

  7. Sara - He did it again at my mom's house Sat night with a remote in one hand and my eyeglass case in the other. I think you're onto something :)