Thursday, October 21, 2010

October 21: The Day After



Heaveno!

Well, in many ways, today represented the first day of the rest of our lives.



It is the day after Bella's memorial. Yesterday was the end of time as I knew it. In other words, when Bella died, I knew we would have a memorial here for her, and after that, I just didn't know what we'd do. It was the last day in my internal calendar. Now I would have to wrestle with the next step; going home. Ugh. The worst. I don't want to leave here. Yesterday at the reception Bella's nurses threw for us all after the memorial, each time someone said goodbye, it was this sad, awkward moment that would go something like, "When are you guys heading out?" and we'd say, "Well definitely not till after Sunday." Then they'd say, "Oh good, we'll do something together between now and then." No one wanted to say goodbye. Not us, not them. We'd all lost Bella, now we're going to lose each other. Now, of course it isn't in the same way, but when you move, you grieve the loss of that physical contact and proximity you grow to love, cherish, and count on. What a unique journey this really is for us.


Moving on...


Let me break down yesterday and today in my normal fashion. Last night, I felt bad for not being able to detail the day. I was just too wiped out, and blogger was doing an update that prevented me from posting any pictures from the day. At least the memorial was still up on ustream so at least everyone had that to tide them over! LOL. The challenge of blogging daily is to balance that there is any significance to me blogging daily with the knowledge that there are many, many people who start their day with this blog. I feel a responsibility to you all who have sent us so much in the way of love, wishes, prayers, intentions, thoughts, cards, socks, butterflies, etc. It is a wonderful circle of giving; you give to us, we give to you, you give back to us, we give back to you. Wouldn't it be great if all our relationships had the tension of wanting to do more and more with every chance you have instead of waiting for that other entity to finally shape up and... whatever.

Friends, are you creating your relationships, or reacting to them?


So, back to the summaries.


Yesterday was just magical. I was so proud of all the work everyone did to make the moment the way it turned out. It exceeded my hopes and expectations. There are so many people to thank for the way it all went yesterday, and I am happy to say that I was able to thank each and every person involved yesterday. From our local friends here, to Bella's nurses and respiratory therapists, to our local EB families and biological families, the team that worked to make yesterday so special was HUGE. There was such a sense of family throughout all the interactions yesterday, it was a dream come true.


I was most proud of my beautiful wife Angelique, who delivered the most powerful, love-filled, and respect-inspiring eulogy I have ever witnessed, bar NONE. Being the mother of the child who died, it would be easy to understand if she wanted nothing more than to just get through the whole ordeal sitting in the front row without breaking into a million pieces. However, that's just not Angelique. I have always known in my heart that she is the stronger one out of the two of us, and that her being and presence has required me to upgrade my own level of playing the game of life just to keep up. The difference between us is that I wear EVERYTHING on my sleeve, which in social and public circles doesn't give her a lot of room to express her self. She's alright with that; she doesn't have the innate desire to be in the spotlight and in front of the masses like I do. She is content to be supporting from the side; but if you get the chance to encounter her in life in any capacity head on, you find yourself in the presence of one powerful, but very understated woman. She takes her work, whatever it may be, very seriously, but herself lightly.


Folks, that is the key to life.

Can I just continue to gush a bit more? Angelique is like teflon; other people's drama just doesn't stick on her. She doesn't get sucked into any games anyone plays. She doesn't have time for you if you are going to play games or be dramatic. No time. Again, what makes her so amazing is that she doesn't carry any "better than you" attitude towards the drama queens out there, she just moves past them and onto the things she is committed to, like supporting her family, being the best mom she can be, and being supportive of her husband, whatever his dreams may be. I have a lot of dreams, so that last piece might be the toughest test of them all!


Anyhow, as I sat on the bench trying to keep Ali occupied, I just watched Ang's posture as she delivered her thoughts and feeling on being Bella's mom. ROCK SOLID. That's who she is, and how she is. ROCK SOLID. There is a saying that fits her:

How you do anything is how you do everything.

Said another way, there is only one you. To think you are one way in one scenario, and another way in another, is simply fiction. True integrity comes from understanding that every fight you've ever been in, you were there. Every good grade you got, you were there. Every heart you broke, you were there. Every lie you told yourself, you were there. Who is the only person that has been in every relationship you've been in? You. You. You.


Angelique not only understands this distinction, she lives it, and has lived it since the day I met her way back in... what year was that, honey? :P

She is the most reliable person you will ever meet, because she never veers from 100% accountability in anything she does. You will never hear her say, "Yeah, I was supposed to do _____ with X, but I just didn't feel like it so I didn't." Her word is ROCK SOLID. Her integrity is ROCK SOLID. Her confidence is ROCK SOLID, and without an OUNCE of arrogance. It is mastery in action, and I have continually improved as a human being just to try to keep up with how much she ROCKS IT.


I love you, honey. You were amazing yesterday.


At the end of the day yesterday, I felt proud that we are Bella's parents. I feel like we were equal to every task set before us to be the best stewards and caretakers we could be. (non sequitor - what's the difference between a caretaker and a caregiver?) Seriously, though. What I was left with at the end of the memorial was that we left no stone unturned with Bella's care. When Ang was pregnant, we listened to the same program of music every night while I massaged her. I played Bella's song to her belly every night. Once born, we answered the call to be willing to do whatever it took to care for Bella. In choosing to do BMT, we thought we were doing what would give her the best chance at having a somewhat normal and full life. When things turned south, we stood up to every doctor and expert and managed her care at a level that made every healthcare professional who treated her bring their A game into Bella's room every time they walked in, otherwise, they were shown the door. Even in her death, we sang to her, held her, bathed her, restored her to her natural state, free from tubes and bandages. Through her blog and memorial, we sought to continue to display that same level of conscious commitment to Bella, to let her know that her decision to pick us as her parents was right on.


When we got home last night, I realized that we didn't let her down. We can say in full integrity that we couldn't have done better for Bella, and at the end of the day, regardless of how old or successful your kids ever live to be, that's what you want to go to bed feeling in your heart. Ultimately, they are on their own journeys, and you cannot control their outcome, but you can give your best, and if you do that, you can fall asleep knowing you did your part.


All of the above pictures were taken by Erin Spector.

I can fall asleep knowing I did my part in Bella's "extra-ordinary" life. Caring for Bella gave me the experience that I can answer the call to do far more than I thought I was capable of. I have a confidence in myself that I did not have when I arrived here. I am forever changed by this experience, and will never be the same. I am so grateful for that. Bella's gifts extended out to so many, and I am blessed to be included in the list of those who have learned from Bella.

Bella.

Wow.

You.

Are.

Amazing.




Okay, onto today. Today, we had a wonderful picnic with the Pops and Edlings (Elle's and Daylon's families) at Hidden Falls in St. Paul. It was beautiful, though just a touch nippy. That's okay. We had a BLAST. Thanks to the Edlings for throwing the whole thing for us! We ate lots of good, love-filled, homemade food, had epic rock-skipping sessions on the banks of the Mississippi River, watched Bald Eagles fly overhead, even had a drum circle! It was wonderful. All three families are in deep here. We lost Bella. The Pops had the "DNR conversation" with their docs today as baby Elle is fighting for her life right now, and a fungal infection in her blood is now out of control. The Edlings will be here till who knows when as Daylon is basically a newborn in many developmental areas after bleeding in his brain while on that experimental drug defibrotide they gave him to save him from V.O.D.




Please say a prayer/ send your highest thoughts, wishes, and intentions to both families, but especially to baby Elle and her family right now. Please drop by her blog to send them some love they can feel. Write Elle a note!

Tomorrow, both Nanny and Grandma head home. We don't have the words to express how grateful we are to both of them for their tireless work these past 8 days. I don't even know how many boxes they have shipped for us... probably around FIFTEEN or so. GOD LOVE THEM.

We are not left alone, though. My fabulous sister Tracy flew in all the way from Madrid, Spain to lend her support and be here for family in any way possible. I picked her up from the airport last night, and have been in stitches pretty much since. Our other sister Mary was alway known as the best storyteller in the family, but she clearly has some competition now. Tracy is HILARIOUS, and brings with her all kinds of stories from life in Europe. Ali is TOTALLY smitten, and since Tracy has two sons, she is loving having some girly time of her own. She'll be here till Sunday, and I know we are going to have a blast these next few days together! She leaves Sunday, and then what about us?

We'll head home.

We just don't know exactly how or when we'll get there yet. ;)

Isn't it amazing that on that one day, Bella did say, "Yeah, when I was born, I had this rare skin condition, but when they brought me home from the hospital, it went away,"? Amazing.

God night.

P.S. Next week is EB Awareness Week. Start thinking about creative ways to spread awareness, and start thinking about how much money YOU want to raise for PUCK next week. Hint, you can raise more than you think, because You are far more powerful than YOU think. How do I know this? Because YOU (the person reading this right now) think of Ang and me more powerful than we think of ourselves. So guess what?

Right.

Back.

Atcha!



35 comments:

  1. L-O-V-E the socks :)

    it was very sweet and powerful to read about ang... i cant imagine what she was going through as a mother. you have done such a fabulous job of telling your story it was so humbling to hear her story and her experience. thank you both, so much, for sharing yourselves with the rest of us.

    blessings, Ringgolds, and bless your journey home.

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  2. Thank you for sharing the beautiful memorial for Bella and all of your wonderful thoughts and memories. Your whole family is so strong. May you all have a safe journey home. You all continue to be in our thoughts and prayers.
    Melody and family-California

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  3. May you continue to be surrounded in love and prayers as you think about your journey 'home' have a photo of you Tim as a young lad with a group of kids,mostly australian,under a sign that says,'LOST KIDS'we spent the day at some amusment park. how proud of you I am. You surely are not lost anymore. I will get the photo to you one day. love and prayers always from dawn in canberra

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  4. I just love you guys, and seriously Tim, you need to be a motivational speaker. You have got the gift my friend. Touching memorial, and I must say, you truley are great parents, I look at myself and say, man I need to step up my parenting. Look at everything you guys have gone through and instead of being bitter , you have grown and found the positive of everything.

    Yall truely inspire me to better myself. As a person and as a parent. Thank you for continueing to post.

    Lisa
    Houston Tx

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  5. I just watched the memorial. Thank you so much
    for sharing it with us so far away.
    Send my love to Tracy too!
    All my love to you all.
    LOve Lolly

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  6. It gives me such comfort that you know that you didn't let Bella down, that you know that you always did what you thought and hope would be the best for her. That you did everything anyone could ever have done. And you did it with LOVE! Bella could not have come to a better family than yours and despite the tragic outcome you did what you had to do, you gave her the best chance she ever had.

    I understand it is hard to go home. It's like reality gives you a second blow when you first come home after a tragic loss. I hope it doesn't hit you too hard but if it does, hold on to each other like you always seem to do. You are all beautiful and strong.

    Alexandra in Australia

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  7. The most beautiful blog post. Wow. I have tears in my eyes. Tim eloquent as always but so honest. Ang, what an amazing mother, so strong, so brave. Ali, so in the moment, but always a sister.

    Thank you for sharing.

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  8. You guys are beautiful. All I can say, I'm still with you and I stand beside you as best I can.

    Karen in Az

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  9. Hi Tim: Thank you so much for everything. Keeping up these updates, the Memorial, and just for being you. You guys are amazing. I am in awe of all EB parents. Taking care of an EB baby is so stressful, but you all do it for the love of these very special children.
    Beautiful Bella was a blessing to her family and to everyone who read her story. She touched so many lives and for that I am very, very grateful. I just know that Bella and Leah are playing together, (without booboos) and having a wonderful time, EB free.
    God Bless you guys. Please take care and thanks again. God Is Good. Love and Peace Leah's Nana

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  10. heaveno!

    tim, once again i am awestruck by your eloquence. angelique was truly amazing at the memorial and should be comforted in knowing she was the best mother sweet bella could have ever prayed for. i am motivated by her courage and strength.

    i am sure going home will be so hard for y'all. just remember that there are a lot of people that love each of you and need their chance to say "good bye" to sweet bella and their chance to try and comfort y'all.

    i am lucky to have your other sister here to share her humor and faith with me! enjoy your visit with tracy!

    god bless y'all
    susan
    w-s, nc

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  11. At least you know you're coming home to another community that loves and missed you.
    Should you need anything to help make that transition, let us know. I'm also volunteering to do the picture taking at your CA service if you'd like....and ANYTHING else you can think of.
    Love from home.
    (By the way, I thinksharing the road trip home with your lovely ladies would be great for you...)

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  12. Tim - I found your blog rather by accident, months ago. I immediately became drawn in by Bella's story and have followed you daily. While you have been in MN, your blog has been the first thing I have looked at online each day. Through Bella's BMT journy, I looked forward to each daily update so I could cheer for your little angel.

    This is the perfect time to say... I have been in awe of Angelique forever. She is one tough woman, and your descriptions today fit with everything that I assumed was true about her. How I wish you lived in Milwaukee so I could meet Ang and force her to be my friend!

    Your family is inspiring, and the grace with which you have handled Bella's passing is unmatched by anything I have ever seen. I am sending tons of love to your family, and look forward to continuing to follow your life story!

    Tracy

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  13. Thank you again for keep writing the blog. I can't read it without my Kleenex next to me. Every single picture is beautiful and your words for Angelique so sweet and full of love. You are great parents and also a great couple. I'm so happy Tracy is there and I'm sure she will be happy to take Ali shopping to the mall of Americas or for a run!
    Praying for all the EB community.
    Lots of love,
    Mariana,UK

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  14. Honestly it is no wonder Bella was so strong. The more I learn about the two of you and watch you handle all of this with so much strength and honesty, she got it from you guys! That was a wonderful tribute to your beautiful wife. You guys are a great family. Thank you for sharing your life with me every day.
    Memory-Texas

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  15. Tim and Angelique - you were both amazingly strong during the service. Bella would (and is) extremely proud of you. It was an amazing tribute for an amazing little girl.

    As far as EB awareness week next week, I plan on rolling out some of the beginnings of EB awareness at my NICU. I've found a lot of great stuff already (thanks to the links on your blog), and I will be in contact with Tanya as well. My manager also said that we will use this new information about EB skin care, and look at our current micro preemie skin care guidelines to see if there's anything we can add to them. The skin of a micro preemie is probably as fragile as EB skin.

    Bella will forever be an inspiration. Not just at my job, but in life as well!

    Jess
    Chicago, IL

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  16. all 4 of you guys are so strong. your family is one to admire. i love those socks

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  17. If you plan the southern route home, the door here is open for you to rest yourselves overnight instead of a hotel/motel. It's probably about a 7 hour drive straight down I-35. Would love to have you. The memorial was so beautiful.
    Love and hugs.
    Terri

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  18. I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR POSTING DAILEY!!! I KNOW I'M BEING SELFISH BUT I MISS BELLA SO SO MUCH.I FELT LIKE SOMEONE PUNCHED ME IN THE STOMACH WHEN I READ YOUR POST THAT VERY SAD TUESDAY MORNING. BUT I FIND PEACE IN YOUR WORDS.YOU BRING ME SO MUCH COMFORT.IT SEEMS WE SHOULD BE DOING THAT FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.AND I HOPE WITH ALL THE THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS WE ARE IN A WAY.IT AMAZES ME HOW MUCH THIS LITTLE ANGEL AFFECTED ME AND MY LIFE.SHE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A BETTER PERSON.THANK YOU AGAIN!!!!!!!!!LOTS OF LOVE,AMANDA FROM TN

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  19. What beautiful pictures! The last picture of Ali is absolutely stunning! I am printing it to put up at my desk :)
    I am happy to hear how much fun you had yesterday. Love the drum circle pictures! Glad your sister is there with you guys as Grandma and nanny head back home. I know I have said this many times, but we can't wait for you guys to return home; we talk about it almost every single night :)
    The words you wrote about Ang were spot on; she is one of the most amazing people I have ever met and I feel so PROUD to call her our friend. I almost feel bad that all the bloggers can't meet her in person and experience her energy. You did great Ang, I was in complete awe of you the entire time, not only at the service but through the entire journey... you truly are the Rock. We love you guys so much and are continuing to pray and surround you in love from home.
    Love you always,
    The Vanderbooms
    P.S. Every night when I put Everlee to sleep we stand in her room with all her butterflies and talk about Bella and to Bella. I tell her about her friend and how wonderful her big sister Ali is. It might sound silly, but I feel like she LOVES those butterflies in her room so much for a reason...and that is that they represent Bella.

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  20. I feel as if I don't have the words to say. I don't post often. I read every day. I pray for you ALL every day. I feel so close to all these EB families (Daylon, Elle, Tripp, Jonah and Sam is how I found out about all these precious children.) and I try and tell people the stories often. I guess I am writting today because I want you to know that I am STILL praying for your family. I am so, so sorry for your loss of Bella.

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  21. You look a bit like the Pied Piper out there with all the children...!! Lovely, lovely pictures...thank you for sharing! Just want you to know that I set up an ongoing donation to P.U.C.K....in Bella's memory. It isn't much, but Bella has inspired me to do more than that. AND YOU...You didn't just light a fire Tim, I've been IGNITED...I've been looking for something I could volunteer for, and be passionate about. FOUND IT! Can't just sit back and watch anymore...blessings to you all...on your bittersweet journey home, and in all the days that follow, may the wind be at your back, and the sun on your face.

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  22. I just watched the video of the service what a beautiful space not only the garden but the people who were in it. I am so proud of you and Ang for your strength and courage throughout this process, and even though it will be hard to leave the family you have met there you have family here waiting for you with open arms. Let me know what I can do when you get home whether it be with the service or whatever. We love you Vicki

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  23. Good Morning Ringgolds,

    Thank you for sharing Bella's beautiful service and breathtaking pictures. My goodness, it truly took my breath away. Tim, your writings continue to educate me, thank you. What you wrote about Angelique was awesome. You two are such remarkable individuals and even better as a team. I am going to make sure to print out your blog from yesterday to share with grandma joanie this afternoon. We are sending you love and prayers and thinking of you all. Like i have said before, we are dedicated to Bella and her/your teachings of life. I wore some fabulous socks yesterday and have decided to join Nicole's suggestion. Thinking of Bella warms my heart, I can't thank you all enough.

    Peace and love,

    The Davidson's

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  24. Dear Ringgold Family,
    Another beautiful blog entry, thank you Tim. Angelique is truly amazing, your words describing her are lovely. You two have seen so much since the AZ days on Virginia Ave... seems like forever ago right? You are both wonderful, strong spirits and have brought that energy to being wonderful, strong parents. Take care as you transition to back home and know that there is much love surrounding you.
    Love,
    Michael and Robin Setto

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  25. Dear Tim,

    I just got done watching the service.

    I am one of those faithfuls that you sometimes mention...always checking the blog first thing in the morning. I even come back throughout the day as needed for inspiration. You never let me down. YOU Tim, YOU are such an inspiration to me. Before being hooked on Bella and your blog, I was making an earnest effort to improve myself, my life and live each day to it's fullest. Lately, I've approached some obstacles that I'm having a hard time getting past. Know what? I wish I could ask Tim. He'd know. He'd have some insights. He'd be able to help me. He'd say things to me to help me work through these challenges. He says things in a way that I can relate to. This is who you've become.

    Anyway, I continue to take notes and really ingest what you say because it is so helpful and so obvious when it comes from you.

    Thank you so much for the effort you continue to put into this blog.

    Take care of yourself and your family. And again, thank you so much for sharing. You have no idea how YOU are affecting people's lives.

    Suze

    p.s. I'll be on the look out for the Tim-style Dear Abbey advice column. ;-) Oh, how I'd love to pick your brain.

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  26. "Bella, Bella, your name means beauty..." Guess what I've been humming all day long? I suppose I've got Bella on the brain.

    I must say that Ang is one blessed woman to have a husband who realizes what a gift he has in his wife. And what a shining example you both are of what it means to be united in the covenant of marriage.

    Thinking of you all as you prepare to head back home. I hate goodbyes. I prefer "hasta luego" which seems much less final than "adios".

    Wishing you all a good weekend, whatever it may hold.

    Blessings and affection to all,

    Susan
    A friend in NC

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  27. Wow...what a special and beautiful memorial for your beloved daughter. I read it in awe, of the wonderful parents Bella was blessed with, then the flood gates broke open when I saw the picture of the three of you hugging. That hurt my soul, to see the three of you embracing to somewhat ease the pain of losing a sister, daughter. What a special bond you have......
    Also, how very sweet of you to speak of your wife ...what can I say... May God bless you!!

    Its been over 15 min. since I read your post and saw the pictures, and here Im still weeping... your daughter has trully impacted my life and I praise God she had parents who desired to share their angel with us. You have a beautiful way of capturing souls with such magicial words and ways of expressing yourself. Keep it up... God will continue being Glorified and you will be blessed in return.

    I pray for your family that you will continue to go hand in hand with the many memories you had with Bella. I ache for the many you will leave behind on Sunday or whenever... they will trully miss your wonderful family. YOu three are amazing....just like Bella!!


    Continue in His Grip,
    Heidi Carrico

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  28. What a gorgeous memorial! Ang - everything that Tim said about you and more! Your speaking brought Bella to life as a little girl who had a family who adored her because she was a child. I really came a bit late to her journey and it was wonderful to hear you speak about your daughter. Tim - excellent job sharing with all of us in such an honest and generous way. Yep, you seem to like to be on stage and you do it justice! Keep it up. The world needs more people who have the ability to evolve, be humble AND be outspoken with the faith and love of God.

    Congratulations to both of you for the way you held it together to honor Bella. I admire you. You held the service for everyone else to enjoy and learn about Bella. Bravo!!

    Thanks for posting these photos because the video doesn't show the love, peace and beauty of your faces. The setting was unbelievable!! It took my breath away.

    As you begin the rest of your life, I wish you well.
    Kim from California

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  29. I read each night/morning and I am so thankful you continue to share your lives. I'm grateful you shared Bella's service with us online. I really enjoyed writing to Bella before and I miss that! :) I am praying for your family and for your transition from here on out!

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  30. Hi Tim, Angelique and Ali-

    You are all truly amazing. Bella was (is) amazing. THANK YOU for sharing your lives with all of us! Continuing to pray for you especially as you leave MN.

    This afternoon, Jackson (my 6-year old) was 'making the rounds' and asking about all the kids we follow with EB (Jonah, Tripp, Sam, Bella). He got to Bella and said "Mom, how is she?" Wow - that was a tough one. I hadn't found the right moment to tell him about Bella but obviously I had to be truthful. He was so sad but then he realized that Bella is no longer hurting. He said "Mom, she was really brave."

    Yes, she was!

    Team A loves you from TX!
    Laura

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  31. Thank you for posting those beautiful pictures. Although I watched the live broadcast of the memorial, the quality wasn't that great so I couldn't really see faces. Those pictures brought it all back for me with better clarity. :0)

    Thank you for continuing to post daily. Even when you are so exhausted from the day. It really completes my day to be able to "catch up" with your family.

    I'm so glad to hear you guys had a great day with the Edlings and the Pops. That picnic sounded like it was just the kind of day that each of your families needed. I love the picture of the music circle. That is awesome!! Looks like you all had so much fun. I'm so sorry to hear about baby Elle. We definitely need to give her all our strength to help her get thru this difficult time.

    Lots of hope and love to your family as you leave beautiful MN and come back to beautiful CA. I'm sure MN will miss you as much and you will miss MN. You all have so many people who love you.

    Lots of Love,
    Amber, Craig, Malorie(2 1/2), and Liam(9mos.)
    The McLaughlin Family
    Moreno Valley, CA

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  32. Wow, I thought I had finally pulled myself together, until I saw your socks at Bella's memorial. Tim, you and Ang never cease to amaze me in all the ways you honor Bella. She truly is so lucky to have you as her parents, as you were to have her as your daughter. Your courage and your faith inspires me. Bella's life truly makes me want to live a better one. She makes me never take my baby girl for granted a single day. Thanks for sharing her with all of us... even though I never met your precious angel, I miss her and love her, and wanted to let you and your family know that you are in our prayers EACH AND EVERY single night.
    Rachel from CA (friend of the Edling family)

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  33. I think that's why my marriage works, I believe my husband is stronger, more capable, powerful and amazing than he thinks he is, and he feels the same way about me, and you are right, I feel that way about you and Ang, and you feel that way about me. (Nice one!) Perhaps that's what life is all about.. finding those people that believe in you more than you believe in yourself, sticking with them, and amazing yourself in the process. All this mutual inspiration is neat, huh? Thanks Bella!! One little baby changing the world..
    Emily
    Ft Lauderale, FL

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  34. Indeed. You & Ang left not ONE stone unturned- you went to the corners of the Earth for Bella and gave her every ounce of you and more, physically, emotionally, as her advocate, her parents, her photographer, her care taker, her entertainment, her stylist (she was so well dressed!!) and so on- knowing this has brought the biggest smile to my face. I pray that this has/will allow peace to seep into your hearts and bring a smile to your face. Another thought that followed with a giant smile, is knowing that you were able to spend every Holiday this past year with Bella Doll...that is amazing, memories that you will forever hold.
    Now...on to Ang....Tim & Ang...wow...you compliment each other SO.WELL.WOW. When one can't stand, the other can...you are each others saftey net. What you share/display is magical. Once again I stand in awe of the affection and 'crazy-mad-in-love' feeling Tim, that you show your beautiful bride. What a beautiful entry you so eloquently painted for us about Ang.
    I pray with a burning heart that you be wrapped in the Lord's arms when you, Ang & Ali begin your return home. I was sitting @ St. Joes today (waiting for a physician's signature on an order for one of our patients) and while waiting, I looked out through the window and had a view of the entire East Orange- the hills, Orange Hill restaurant- and was so overwhelmed and emotional thinking about your return home. We are COMMUNITY and here in CA lies your family & friends who are waiting for you with baited breath. You are so very loved and are not alone. My family & I continue to pray for you...we will never stop...so for days when you are down and have no engery to pray...we got your back!!!!
    with all our love from Tustin to Romania,
    Nicole B & Family

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  35. It was a beautiful memorial! Tim - words you wrote about your wife are beyond wonderful! I knew her many years ago - we worked on many projects together and she is a true professional! Now I have the priviledge to work for her! I have been blessed in that respect.

    Another truth the bittersweet of having to leave this place you grew to love and the people you've grown to love. Leaving friends and a place you have grown to love is never easy (even under the best of reasons), but this time will be even harder. Praying for comfort for all of you on your continued journey with sweet Bella watching over you!

    Tina

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