Monday, November 8, 2010

November 8: Our Wedding Anniversary


Well, let the itch begin! Just kidding. Angelique and I were married 7 years ago today. I love her AND I am in love with her more today than on this day 7 years ago. After a very productive day, we dropped Ali off at grandma and grandpa's house and had dinner in Duke's Huntington Beach, the site of our first date! It was also the site of our 5 year anniversary, where I threw a surprise live concert for Angelique with all our friends in attendance! For our wedding favors, we made a CD of our favorite love songs, and for anniversary number 5, I performed the whole album LIVE for Ang with the help of a couple of musician friends of mine! She had NO IDEA; it was a total surprise. It was awesome.

This year understandably was a little more subdued than that. We just had a nice quiet corner booth and split 3 courses and a half bottle of Rombauer Chardonnay. I think the last time we split a half bottle at a restaurant was the last time we were there 2 years ago! We looked back and realized that we have created our marriage in the same conscious way as everything else in our life. We truly are one. Plus, we chose early on that as the years went on, our love would naturally increase for the other. We laid down that rule in the grass of our imaginations and hearts and fed it year after year. Now, after all we've been through, we love and respect each other more than EVER before. Good stuff.

They say 95% of marriages with special needs kids fail.

We are the 5%.

I'm going to ask you some questions:

Do you give your love to your spouse without a reason to, because you simply choose to?

Do you initiate love, or merely reciprocate?

If your child or spouse was taken tomorrow, was there anything you meant to say that you haven't?

Are you willing to entertain the possibility that you might be wrong sometimes?

Do you say "I'm sorry," without ANY qualifications - and MEAN IT?

During a disagreement, is your objective to understand, or be understood?

Do you give credit or take credit when someone compliments you as a couple?

These are just coming off the top of my head, but I just wanted to get you thinking a little on how to make a bad marriage okay, an okay marriage good, a good marriage great, and a great marriage AMAZING.


Earlier today, we met with our minister Dennis Short who will be presiding over the CA memorial on Sunday. We had a great meeting and hashed out a wonderful program. We are still in need of someone locally in socal who can run the webcast for us. If you know anyone, or you are that someone, email me at Thanks!

Our little hacienda!

Gosh, there is so much more I want to share about from "the first day of the rest of our lives," but I am falling asleep at the wheel again, so instead, I bid you adieu. Life is good. God is good. Today was good.

The view over our condo complex...

God night.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Happy Anniversary!

    My parents have been married for 30 years. During the second year of their marriage, my (would be) older sister Stacie was born. She had a bunch of heart defects, along with a duodenal atresia. She spent 18 days here on this earth.

    My parents have always said that going through the experience of losing a child could tear any couple apart. They saw it happen. They chose to make their relationship stronger. After everything they went through, the little petty things just didn't matter as much anymore.

    To this day, their marriage has suffered one fight - and it was actually before my sister was even born.

    Here's to many, many, many more happy years for the both of you!

    Chicago, IL

  3. Happy Anniversary! I would say welcome home but I am sure you know the saying "home is where the heart is". Based on everything you have written you have always been home no matter what location you were in. Your love for each other is inspiring. Happy Anniversary again!

    God bless.

    Sarah and family
    Chino Hills, Ca

  4. Ang and Tim,
    Happy, Happy Anniversary to you both! After going through what you have and having bonded so much more because of it, I can say, with great confidence, may you have many, many more years of togetherness and growth. May Heavenly Father continue to fill your lives with an abundance of His blessings! Congratulations!
    Cathy P in Utah

  5. Happy Anniversary!
    I am sure you love each other more because you respect each other more than before. Wish you more loving and happy years together! Cheers!


  6. Happy anniversary Tim and Angelique!

    When my parents passed away within months of each other, I kept referring things in my life as "the new normal." The love you have for one another and your devotion to God will conquer all earth's challenges and I know your "new normal" will be GREAT!

    I would love to get together with you. I live in Orange too (Katella/Hewes). It seems we may be really close to each other.

    Love and prayers!
    Kim and family

  7. Happy Anniversary (plus one day). Love your pictures, I am a little jealous of all the 'green' everything here has officially turned brown! We have a great chance of white coming our way for the weekend!
    The Cooley family in Nebraska

  8. Happy Anniversary Tim and Angi!

    The love and respect you both have for each other is just so obvious. May it carry you through many more years together, through the good and the bad, the happy and the and blessings, always!

  9. Happy Anniversary! Love seeing the pictures of your home in California.

    We too have a child with special needs (autism). It certainly does put stress on a marriage, it's awesome to read your bits of "marriage advice". Thanks!

    St. Peter, MN

  10. Happy Anniversary. My husband and I have been married for 31 years. We've had our ups and downs, but it has made our marriage stronger. I believe that when you look at marriage as forever, you put more into it. My husband was my high school sweetheart, and we both knew as soon as we met, it was forever. He was 14 and I was 16.
    Portsmouth, Ohio

  11. happy anniversary!!! I like those questions you posted, really got me thinking...i know i have work to do in my marriage and reading that is a wonderful starting point

  12. Happy Anniversary! I second what Jenn just said. I know I have work to do with my marriage. Claras illness even though it isnt life threatening creates stress. Three stepchildren add tons of stress. It all just chips away slowly and your blog was a wake up call. I love Derek. Do I love him more than I did when I married him? If I let myself be in the moment but rarely do I let myself. My mind is always two steps ahead thinking what I have to do next. Which is hard way to live.

    I love that picture of Bella. Isnt there one with Ali in it too? The colors in the background...where it seems like the warm glow of a fire...I love it.

    Sending you all my love and sweet kisses of Ali.

    Denise WI

  13. Gotta say, I've not agreed with some of the things you post but it's your blog and I respect that. I was thinking yesterday, well Bella is gone and this person is off to live to his "full potential" and unleash his "talent" on the world.....I am going to continue to give to EB each year but this blog is on my nerves.

    Then this morning, I peeked (also because I very much enjoy your writing style and your views on faith) and was so glad I did.

    Happy anniversary to both of you. Congratulations on 7 years. This blog did make me think. Very interesting to read your ideas of staying married and in love being a choice. Never thought of it in the way your wrote it. I agree. I think it would be interesting to hear you expand on that topic in a book.

    Continuing to pray for your family and thank you for your blog.

  14. Hi Ang & Tim: What a great picture of the two of you. Happy Anniversary. After all you two have been through, your love will hold you together.
    I sure hope getting back to "normal" is going smoothly for the whole family. Hope Ali is doing okay. Keep up the pictures of beautiful Bella and Ali please. Love those girls!!! Love and Peace Leah's Nana

  15. Happy Anniversary!

    My husband and I have been married 18 years. We have choosen to live and work through WHATEVER comes our way as a couple. There have been a myriad of things we have gotten past and a myriad of things we will need to work through. As you mentioned, most couples with special needs kids don't make it - I am glad to be in the 5% too and plan to stay that way.

    Loved all your pictures today!
    Tina in NJ

  16. First, I want to say how sorry I am for your loss. I have been reading since Bella started the BMT and always had an excuse not to comment.
    Secondly, I want to say happy anniversary.
    I am in the middle of a divorce and have 3 young children. The place where I am now is one I NEVER imagined I would be in. I got married with full intentions of staying married forever. Unfortunately, the stress of having 3 children and responsibilities became too much for my husband and he is now living with his mistress, while I pick up the pieces. I came to your blog each morning to find hope, love, and inspiration. I have been amazed by you and your family (as well as other EB families) and use your words to help me realize that there is still faith and good and love in the world. I leave your blog each morning with a goal to cherish my children and what I can give to them every day and not dwell on how I may have failed them.
    Anyway, Thanks!

    Mobile Alabama

  17. Happy Anniversary!! Hope you both had a wonderful time celebrating your marriage and all the many years to come. Best wishes always! Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts and views about life, marriage, family and faith. You and your family continue to be in our thoughts and prayers.
    Melody and family, California

  18. WOW...I have some things to think about. As much as I love my husband I know our marriage could be better if I made some changes...maybe I'll discuss your blog with him today and talk about what changes we can make as a "couple" to better our relationship. Thank you for that.

    Happy Anniversary by the way!! I'm glad you guys got to get out and have some nice alone time. I've never been to Duke's Huntington Beach but my husband and I went to the Duke's in Hawaii on our honeymoon. It was awesome. The bar opened right up to the water and you could just walk right out onto the sand and into the water. We have great memories of Duke's too! :-)

    I love Ali's bed. The leaf above her head is awesome. My daughter would love that.

    Thank you for posting such a great picture of Ali too. So gorgeous! My heart melts everytime you post a picture of that beautiful smile...

    Lots of Love,
    Amber, Craig, Malorie(2 1/2), and Liam(10mos.)
    The McLaughlin Family
    Moreno Valley, CA

  19. ...Although I think Ali has a beautiful smile, I meant to say Bella. Thank you for posting such a great picture of Bella smiling!!!


  20. Happy happy happy anniversary! Love that you guys went back to Dukes. What awesome memories you have there! I am not sure how you will ever top that 5 year anniversary surprise performance. It was so romantic and magical :) I know you both have many many more years of wedded bliss ahead of you and I can't wait to be there to witness it! (sorry for so many explanation points :))
    You have no idea how happy it makes me to see pictures of you all in your home. And Ali's fantastic bed.... so awesome! Love the pic of sweet Bella naked Bella on your guys bed; cute as always.
    Love all 4 of you! See you soon.
    The Vanderbooms

  21. Happy Anniversary to one powerful and inspirational couple. As I was reading your words, a song from Bella's Quiet Night CD you gave us came on my I Tunes. The title: "The Promise." Hmmmmmm. . .

    Love you more than we can say.

  22. Tim and Angelique...

    Congratulations on your anniversary! Praying that your marriage and lives will continue to be blessed in the years to come. You are indeed a special couple who have much to offer.

    With affection,

    A friend in NC

  23. Happy anniversary Ang and Tim!
    Thank you for sharing all your love for Ang.How sweet and romantic...I'm glad you are part of the 5% and I'm sure you will always be there.
    It makes me feel old your seven years when I celebrated already 23!!!! Alex and I met when we were 16 and we have been together since...
    Loved all the pictures.
    Lots of love,

  24. Happy Anniversary, so glad you were able to spend some alone time together. You both deserve it.

  25. Happy anniversary, you two!! It's so apparent how much you love each other and that your love is stronger. There was not an ounce of tension on your faces or toward each other when we met in TX - and that could easily have been the case. May God continue to bless and strengthen your marriage!

    Jeff (aka Coach A!) and I have been married a little over 18 years - we met as freshmen in college and got married as soon as I graduated. (Man, we were YOUNG!!) :)

    A long time ago, we made a conscious decision to 1) not go to bed angry with each other and 2) to never ridicule or talk negatively about each other to our friends, family, etc. Sadly, we've seen married friends that find ways to make fun of each other - I just don't get that. Your spouse should be the one place you can always run to for shelter and encouragement.

    Anyway, I ramble! Thanks again for sharing - and praying for many more happy anniversaries for you and Ang!

    Laura (for Team A)

  26. Happy Anniversary!! Right on re: your messages today! Thanks, Kim from CA

  27. Happy Anniversary to you and Ang! I loved reading your post. I read it to my husband and told him how I like that you generally want your readers to ponder a question or topic. Thank you for continuing to share your lives, struggles, blessings, and growth with us. You and your family are truly an inspiration to me and so many more. May God continue to bless your marriage and family.
    Peace, Prayers, and Blessings,
    Ponchatoula, LA

  28. Happy Anniversary!!! God has truly blessed you with each other! Scott and I have been together for 8yrs, married for 5yrs...he is my best friend. Although, sometimes we may be irritated (for whatever reason) and take it out on each other; I do owe all the credit to Bella for keeping me in line! Just the other day I apologized immediately for my irrational 'irritated' behavior- Scott's response was 'WOW...that was cool!' I said; "Thank Bella."
    Thinking and praying for my fav & fab 4- always!
    nicole b & family

  29. Happy Anniversary! You know how some people just look like they belong together? You two definitely do. You are a beautiful so many ways.

    I think I can make a better effort in telling my husband how wonderful I think he is. Sometimes, in the effort to create the life we want for our family, we have gotten away from using our words to express how we feel about each other. Thanks for the reminder!

    Okay, so...the series of three pictures of Bella in her highchair and the box of mac and cheese (with your commentary)has got to be one of my favorites. I still smile when I think of the determination in her eyes. It would be so great to see them again if you can find them.

    Be well sweet family!

    Elk Grove, CA

  30. Happy Anniversary you guys! I hope you had a great day!
    I'm trying to relate to the marriage thing... but it kind of makes me thing of my little sister. We both have special needs, in our own ways, and man have we hurt each other, sometimes where it should have been beyond repair... but we've only grown stronger. And that's I get the feeling that you and Ang have... life has given you situations that could/should have torn you apart... but now you are stronger than ever. Rejoicing with you!

    Jennifer, Sweden

  31. Okay, so I must admit that I am just sort of "hopping" around your blog--clicking on titles that sound interesting to me. November 8 caught my eye because it is also the day that I married my wonderful husband Erik. Even better--we just celebrated our 7th anniversary on this Nov 8, 2010. Crazy, huh? Even crazier--Erik's birthday is May 27. I hope that your 7 years have been as sweet and as fulfilling as ours have! Happy belated anniversary (however, I don't think that it can technically be belated because I didn't know you on the actual day).