Wednesday, December 8, 2010

December 7: Holy matrimony

Heaveno!

Real quick... My mac has a bride!

After serious due diligence, Angelique today brought home her first Mac!

The wedding bells can be heard around the world tonight.

I synced up both computers and literally took a nap till now(12:30 am) waiting for the migration of all my applications to finish.

Didn't want to leave the blog empty.


THANK YOU, lurkers!  ;P.

You all made our day.  The comments were so awesome.  I hope I can explain that just seeing a comment that is as simple as one humble line, when delivered with love, helps us heal a little more.

We really needed that today.  I wish I could be all happy happy and say things are great, but the sheer force of this grief now that the shock and numb has mostly worn off... ugh, it is just getting more and more intense each day.  In fact, I'm gonna get off the computer and get back to bed now because even as I write this, I can feel the pain sweeping back in through the fog of sleep.

We know that this too shall pass.  We are open to it moving in, moving through, and moving out of this moment.  There is no faster or healthier way to heal then to stand facing our pain, hearts open, and let it do its thing.  Burying it doesn't allow healing.  Experiencing allows for healing.  No way to it but through it.  No way to it but through it.  No way to it but through it.... (repeated like "There's no place like home....)

Thanks for your love,

God night.

25 comments:

  1. Thank you for always being an encourgament to me. Life has been rough for a long time and I to take it one day at a time and know that some how some way I will get through it. When I can't get out of bed your blog is the first thing I read in the morning. Hugs to your entire family.

    Christy
    momto3daughters@hotmail.com

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  2. Congrats on the new Mac marriage, you sound just like my twin brother when he got his Mac i hope they will be happy together :P
    - Bee

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  3. Ps, sometimes i just click on the welcome page because that pic of Bella always makes me smile its such a cheeky grin she has!
    Sending love - Bee

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  4. Dear Tim: I'm still here too. I read the blog every morning just to check to see how you guys are holding up. It hurts so bad, I know, but you will come out of this so much stronger.
    One of the comments from yesterday, from Dana M in Ms. wrote how she had a blister from a burn and thought about all the EB children and the pain they feel everyday. I just wanted to tell Dana that I too thank God for taking away their pain. I thank God every single day for blessing us with Leah. We had her for 10 wonderful months but I am relieved that she is no longer in so much pain. We all miss her so so much and still ache for her but my precious Leah is pain free and that is all that matters when you love someone so much. God has blessed us so much.
    Take care guys. Still love looking at beautiful Bella pictures. Love and Peace Love Leah's Nana

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  5. All I can offer today is virtual hugs, prayers and thoughts of comfort for you all!
    Tina

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  6. You all are in our thoughts everyday!

    Love from Tennessee!

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  7. Good morning! The photos of what Bella looked like before the BMT are so beautiful. They show her as your daughter and her life before the procedure changed her looks. She is so pretty and happy and joyful. Of course you are in pain and grieving. I'm so sorry and sending you prayers and love.
    It's going to be ok. It's going to be ok.

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  8. I read everyday, but I need to comment more! Much love from Mississippi!

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  9. Tried this morning to imagine or comprehend what you and Ang and Ali are feeling . . . and I just can't get close, other than to know it must be the deepest pain. But please know that as you go through the murk of it, we are all walking next to you. We can't be in the murk with you, but we can hold your hand as you keep moving. Through it, through it, through it.

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  10. SO glad all the comments helped you guys yesterday. We are all here because of you and your awesome family! Thank you for continuing to share your experiences and continuing to hold us accountable for ours :)
    I am a better mother and wife from reading this blog, so thank you so very much! Keeping you close to our hearts.
    Love you guys tons!
    The Vanderbooms

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  11. Thinking of you guys!

    I am not sure if you are getting my comments on here or not??? Anyway, hang in there! We miss you... email me back if you got that email I sent with the song, I just want to make sure you are getting them!

    Much Love,
    Amanda Schauer

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  12. Thinking of you everyday. Call your alien to get you out of bed! It's tough ...
    Praying for strength,courage and love for all of you.
    Mariana,UK

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  13. Praying praying praying!

    Love from TX!
    Laura (for the Team)

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  14. Every minute, every hour, one foot in front of the other :)

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  15. I think of Bella often and I can't imagine what you and your family are going through. I will continue to pray for your healing and comfort.

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  16. I think about you guys everyday. I talk about you everyday too, whether it's just to my husband or I'm talking to a friend. You are two very strong and awesome individuals. You are great parents!!

    Congrats on the MAC marriage!! You guys are so cute.

    STAY STRONG!!!

    Lots of Love,
    Amber, Craig, Malorie, and Liam
    The McLaughlin Family, CA

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  17. I love reading your posts each day, but have never commented before. So I am finally coming out of my lurking spot, all because you continue to ask us to. I keep you and your family in my daily prayers. When you have the hard times just remember...just keep swimming, just keep swimming (Dorie from Finding Nemo!)

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  18. Stefanie PutkowskiDecember 8, 2010 at 5:26 PM

    Please be very gentle with yourselves. Trust the process.

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  19. There was just a news segment on my local news channel on a 4 year old with EB that is beginning the BMT process in Minnesota! I immediately stopped cooking dinner and watched it, this little man is amazing! I wanted to jump on the computer and tell you right away. His name is Charlie and I hope that his parents will be able to connect with you to help guide them through this upcoming journey. I know Bella is at work, I live in North Dakota and I would never have given a second thought to the news segment before her/you. Hopefully all of Bella's prayer warriors can add Charlie to their list!

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  20. Haven't been able to read your blog for about a week, finally caught up. Congrats on your Mac, there the best. You and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers.

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  21. Thinking of all of you. It is cold here in MN.

    Tina

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  22. Tim,

    Lynne commented above about her efforts to understand how you feel and her realisation that she can't ever really understand. I'm with her on that. Wholly and utterly.

    I am wary that my attempts to stand in your shoes will result in a pathetic shadow of the truth of how you feel, but I do find myself regularly trying, REALLY trying, to grasp how it is to be without a child, how it is to miss her at her bedroom door, in the supermarket where she used to ride in the cart, in the park, down the street.

    When I walk up the stairs in our house, there is a small trail of destruction on the walls, at child height - a line of smeary fingermarks. In fact, two lines, because my elder tall daughter is that much higher than her short little sis. I have daughter stripes all the way up and down the stairs. Sometimes those stripes infuriate me, when I have read one too many silly magazines and have come over all Martha Stewart (forgive me, Martha, for taking your name in vain). But mostly, when the house is quiet, and the girls are at school, and I am up and down stairs with washing and such, I rather like those stripes. Signs of life in my house. Signs of smaller souls who I love with all my heart. For ever.

    With Bella not here, your stripes are made singular. Not that Bella was ready to smear the walls with her handprints before she went to MN. But it's the potential for benign destruction that I'm talking about. With her gone, your being down to one stripe is the way that I am brought fully face to face with the intensity of the LACK that you must be feeling.

    It is hard to bear. Truly agonising, I suspect.

    I can offer only indirect support. Just wanted you to know that I am part of this wonderful team of quiet cyber souls who keep little candles burning across the world as you and Ang and Ali take your steps through your grief.

    Fondly, always,

    Jane

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  23. Still here, still caring, still praying for you all. Know that you are a child of God and His Love and His Care are yours forever. Peace.

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  24. Whenever Jane comments she says things so beautifully, that I can't think of a better way to express it!

    Ari and Bella were so close in age and I think that's one reason that I connected with her so much. And at times I look at him and think of Bella, see the new things he is doing and learning and just ache for you all that you don't get to watch Bella do these things. It isn't *fair* at all (in my mind), and I am always blown away by the faith you have chosen for yourself and continue to practice in the face of your loss. I know I've said it before, but you and Ang are *so* strong!!

    Best,
    Cara in Tucson

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  25. The heart can rest on hope as gently as a butterfly on a flower,I am wishing you and praying for the promise of peaceful times to come. We know the loss will still be there but prayerfully there will be some peace. Love and support fromm Dawn in Canberra

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