Wednesday, December 1, 2010

November 30: Team Bella for P.U.C.K. is growing!


First off, THANK YOU to those of you who have thrown your hat over the wall and pledged to raise some money for P.U.C.K.  I can't thank you enough for answering my challenge!

I want to share something about the hidden magic of goal setting and the real reason for the challenge...

There are two parts to achieving any goal:

1)  The product
2)  The process

Most people set goals for the product or result.  Top achievers frequently report onset of depression after they achieve number 1, particularly the larger the accomplishment.  For example, someone sets a goal to run a marathon, and they've never been a runner before.  They train and train and train, and then the big day arrives.  They run the marathon, and what happens the next morning?  Nothing.  The goal has come and gone.  The "great sense of accomplishment" is reported to dissipate rapidly.

Why are they bummed out?  Well first off, they didn't have another game ready to begin, but second, they placed all their attention on number 1.

See, the real magic of setting a goal isn't accomplishing it, it is who you have to become in order to accomplish it.  The accomplished goal goes away, but the transformed you remains.  You get to take that transformed you into your next game, and into the rest of your life!

This, this, THIS is why I am so passionate about you pushing out of your comfort zone to take on this challenge!  The money you raise is a gift to P.U.C.K.  The person you become raising it is a gift to yourself.  This is the gift I want to give to you.  The gift of realizing that YOU ARE FAR MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT FOR.  Heck, Ang and I are far more powerful than we give ourselves credit for!  The only way I know this is because enough of you have told us that.  I constantly practice listening to others about me and not the voice inside my head.  That voice throughout my life has not been my best cheerleader... jeerleader is more like it.  I have learned to let others' vision of me replace my own, and when I trust them and 'let it rip,' I really experience what everyone else has seen all along.  I want this for you.  NOT because you need it.  Because you DESERVE IT.

You made a place for my family in your lives.  In your hearts, in your prayers, at your dinner table, in your thoughts.  We are the ones trying to figure out ways to 'return the favor,' so to speak.  We also know that we don't have to, we choose to.

My experience tells me that there is a lot of fear around the topic of money on the planet right now.  What if this little group of us were able to experience power and freedom, inspiration and confidence around money in just 6 short months?  That sounds like more fun than fear to me!  What if those around us who witness our transformation around money get inspired and empowered to do the same?  What if by releasing our passion to make a difference, some of us get the courage to follow our dreams and start a new career path, or go back to school, or teach our children how to politely but clearly ask for what they want out of life?

Folks, May 27, 2011 is going to come and go either way.  If when you think of money, you instantly think of what you can't do instead of what you can, I invite you to come with those of us who don't want that feeling or focus in our lives any more.

For those of you who have written and said, "I'm in!"  How do you feel now?  Please comment.

For those of you who have not, but want to, but are stopped by something, How do you feel now?  Please comment.

There used to be 40-50 comments a day on this blog, no longer the case.   My hope is that you feel safe enough to comment whatever it is your feeling, and if I have ever responded to comments, I hope it has been with honesty and no sense of making anyone wrong for what they write.

I recently lead an awesome seminar called "How much are YOU worth?  Defining YOUR place in THE marketplace."  In that workshop, we had the best, frank conversation about money, sales, and selling.  It was so great to hear how people have been spoon fed so many disempowering definitions of and stories about money, sales, and selling.  Why?  Because everyone realized their stories were the same!  Everyone in there had heard the same things... all bad... but at first glossed over it.

If you don't think the world has some messed up notions about money, sales, and selling, just look at the state of economic affairs around the world right now... not exactly rocking it in the money game right now.

So, if you would like to experience a breakthrough in your relationship to money, email me at Timothy@thedivineplanet and I CHALLENGE YOU to keep your email to JUST the following (no stories... there's a specific reason for that):

Hi Tim!

I'm IN!

Your name

Folks, there is a difference between your comfort zone and your safety zone.

The specific dollar amount is CRITICAL to this breakthrough.

Does $1000 seem totally unreasonable or achievable?  Pick something a little lower or higher, but again, I challenge you to pick a number that feels like it would be a stretch for you.  Hey, if you don't want to stretch, that is okay, too.  There just isn't as much available in the breakthrough dept, but the world will still be a better place from your participation in it!

As Heidi Klum says on Project Runway, "Are you IN or are you OUT?"  Please join us and be in!


Grief share of the day...

I am going to share daily snippets from Dr. Alan Wolfelt's book I recently received called Healing a Parent's Grieving Heart.  I figure since our society is pretty starved for good literature on this topic of grief, it will be of value to all of us to chew on Alan's words a little each day, for it's not like any of us are going to miss out on grief at some point...

Day 2. Know that you are not alone.

In the U.S. alone, more than 100,000 children die each year, not including miscarriages and stillbirths.  In other less developed countries the number is staggeringly higher.  Countless more adult children die, and if you figure anyone under fifty who dies probably has at least one surviving parent grieving their loss.

This doesn't make any one parent's pain any less unique or valid, it just means there unfortunately are a lot more members of this club than you realize.

Healing comes in part from sharing the journey with others who have also gone through it.  Support groups like compassionate friends are out there and offer comfort.

Still other news:

There was a great comment last night about where the money goes to.  No offense taken!  Great question!  That is a huge question everyone has when donating to a cause.  I asked Drs. Tolar and Wagner for an itemized list of how much they needed and for what, and I got it.  They wrote out an in-depth proposal for me.  Before I share any of those details, I have written them for permission to do so.  I understand that they may not want me publishing everything, but I can tell you it is quite a detailed proposal, and yet, written in fairly understandable english and not complete clinical-speak!  So, bare with me until I get a green light as to how much they feel comfortable with me disclosing.

Still other news:

Ang and I have been amazed how challenging it is to "work normally" for an entire workday!  LOL.  Just because we know we have cognitive disturbance doesn't seem to lessen its symptoms!  Oh well.  As my mom used to say in the months after my dad died, "If I can just get to the right place at the right time with the right materials, I'm having a good day!  Amen, mom, Amen.

Okay, I am falling asleep at the computer.... gotta go.  Thanks again to all of you for begin here.  NOw don't be a lurker and COMMENT!  :-P

God night.

P.S.  Blogger won't let me upload pictures again.  Not crazy about their new template.


  1. Hi Tim, i'm an INNIE now and it feels good, i set the amount higher than i think i will get but as Buzz Lightyear says "reach for the stars"
    take care

  2. Hi Tim.
    I haven't said I'm in yet ... and I want to say yes, but I panic. I can't feel good thinking the stress of raising the money and how about if I don't... and my own economical problems ...
    Should I just go for it? But I don't want to lie to you...I know you answered every single thing that I'm saying ... Is it that I don't want any other commitments? I don't know.
    Keep pushing me.

  3. Still here reading everyday. My daughter took my laptop with her back to school so I don't have as much computer time as before. Sorry for not commenting, but still think of you throughout everyday.

    St. Peter, MN

  4. I cannot keep being blessed by you and your your sharing, your heartache, your openness, your honesty, your vulnerability, your faithfulness... to write each day...and not give something back to you! I have received so much each day from you and your family! You are in my daily prayers and I pray still that the night will become a peaceful time for Ali. Donna in NJ

  5. Hi Tim,
    Enjoyed your video on yesterday's blog. You have very engaging speaking abilities.

    Hmmm....comments.....Well first. I am not "in". I did donate to PUCK even though we are a one income family and we donate a large amount to charities both local and nationally. Our budget was already spent when I came across your blog a few weeks before Bella passed away.

    Yes I would have liked to have donated more but it stretched us. Basically, I spent my own birthday money on it and asked a few people who usually give me gifts to please donate in memory of Bella.

    In creating our budget for charitable donations for next year, I will be including EB research again. However, at this time, I am not interested in raising money.

    Therefore, your blog (after the past few entries) is no longer a "fit" for me.

    I wish you well, I continue to pray for your family and all the children that I am aware of with EB.
    I also thank you for sharing your thoughts in an open way. I have enjoyed reading it.

    Kim from CA

  6. Tim:

    I admire your passion and I believe you will achieve the goals. I will donate to PUCK because of you and Bella and all the others with EB.

    I think you may want to consider your approach within your blog because you may alienate some readers (as you did above). It's clear she respects you, respects EB, and has parted with what little she has to make a difference. Somehow, I think she may feel a bit put off- that maybe it's not enough. This may or may not be close to what she is/was feeling. However, I gather others may feel this way.

    As you said many times, money is an odd subject for many people. It evokes so many emotions ranging from glory to shame. It's hard to feel that money equates to caring or contributing; especially when you are passionate about something.

    I am not sure of the answer for your blog and I am sure you have heavily weighed the pros/cons of your approach. I just know it will not be a win-win for all readers. However, I know there is no "one size fits all" approach, so you have that.

    Another may want to make a Fundraising Tab or a P.U.C.K. tab or a Get Involved or a How Can I Help Tab.......You need a place to store all relevant information in one space. This way it helps people who truly want to help. It also makes one central repository for information. Finally, it will allow for people to "check it out" when they see fit or when they become inspired. Also, let's face it, we're all time challenged (have little of it). So, on a practical note, we need a simple place to find the information and a simple place for readers to send their friends or their social networks. I see your blog as three pronged at the moment, Honoring Bella (1st and foremost), Honoring Bella as it Relates to Finding a Cure for EB, Capturing Elements of your Grief Journey (as you see fit and as it may help others). Of course, there are many facets, but these are three broad areas. I think it would help if you allow readers to access the portion of the blog which they feel comfortable with.

    I see how separating it may cause weakness in your writing, may alienate some people, who enjoy all aspects of the blog, and would surely be too time consuming and not in keeping with your style. I don't think it would be effective. However, adding some tabs or the like, may allow readers to focus a bit (as you give more information that one can sometimes process in the moment). You are a gifted writer- so this is not a criticism (just a thought).

    As always, your writing is inspiring. Its a lot of food for thought and then some.

    I hope you understood the tone of this e-mail. Its just one person's thoughts and that's all (who has no time to proofread, edit, or mull it over).

    Thank you.

  7. Quickly...I am in. I know I stated this before...I just havent had the time to email you and still working on the amount. I want to push myself so my original 100-200 is out. I didnt even read todays blog yet. Clara is sick (Derek took her to urgent care) with a 103.8 temp and I have a few minutes before they get I needed to check in.

    If things settle down tonight...I will email you with an amount. I have a plan in the works...I just need the ok.

    Denise WI

  8. tim
    i agree with anonymous right above...the posts have too much information about many things, and I am finding it difficult to comment.

    As for the money thing...i will donate, i will put my spare change in a jar until may 2011, but people may feel too much pressure, of feel left out, or lose interest, and just go away. I think, too, that the money thing might be approached in some other way... Of course this is your blog and you can do anything you want, but i think you want to hear what we feel about it.

    I admire your efforts, and believe that we readers OWE it to you and Bella to keep following you in your journey for as long as you need. This is no soap opera, this is real life.

    Bella and your wonderful writing TRULY has changed my way to walk through life. I will walk beside you -at my own pace ;-) - in your efforts to find a cure for EB.

    love and hugs

  9. Reading daily and learning and growing daily!

    You give so much to seriously think and ponder. I am glad you gave some info on the Landmark stuff. I want to look into it.

    Thanks for always being here!

  10. Hi Tim: Watched your most recent video and it's very inspiring. I donated $20 to PUCK in Bella's name. Best to you and Ang. - Jackie G.

  11. Tim-sorry, I also have to agree with a couple of the earlier posters, I have been put off the last couple of days by the fundraising. I understand this cause is so very important to you and you want to inspire people to give, I really do. I have just felt in the last 2 days that the price of being able to enjoy your blog and your family is to commit to raising $1,000.

    My family isn't doing so well monetarily right now, we are behind on our mortgage, paying the power bill on on the last day before they shut it off, driving a car that has overdue registration, etc.

    We are doing very well however in every other way. My husband and I have been in love for over 20 years and we have the most beautiful, lovable children! We have everything that really matter.

    While I would love to give if I could (and have supported several charities in the past, and even now by donating outgrown clothes, coats, toys) we give what we can. I am dedicating all of my time to working to get ahead while being home with my kids after school.

    Reading your blog and a couple of others help me to count my blessings and not worry so much about what I am going through since I know that there are a lot of people who are going through worse.

    Thank you for your kind words and for making me realize that the money will come and go but time with my family is worth giving up everything in the world.

    God luck with your fund raising, I pray you raise enough to find a cure. I will keep your family in my prayers and will remember PUCK when I am more able to help out.

    Happy but broke mom in CA

  12. I too read regularly but have also become put off by the 'you must be in' tone. It's become too Landmark-ish for me. I personally am feeling berated for not partaking in a cause that you are passionate about. I have causes I am passionate about and I can't be everything to everyone. I think you run a real risk of turning people off here with the 'manifest your reality' kind of talk. I wish you the absolute best and I ache for you all, but I do feel my time here has drawn to a close.

  13. I'm sorry to see you lose readers, Tim. I know that is the opposite of your goal here. I do sympathize with some of their reasoning though. I will still read every day, and I will donate more to P.U.C.K. - because Bella and this blog have changed my life and I'd like to give back. And I know although you are pressing the wrong buttons with some people, you are coming from a place of passion and doing everything you can to honor Bella and help other EB children. But yes, you may want to step back and reevaluate your specific approach.

    I love reading about your family, your faith, your lives, and not so much about money or fund raising. Not because I'm scared of it or associate shame with it or anything - just because I'm frankly not that interested, at least not interested enough to read multiple paragraphs about it every day. I'm happy to do a little fund raising, I just don't care as much to learn about all of the ins and outs and whys and wherefores on a regular basis, if you see what I mean. I will keep reading, like I said, but that is my honest feedback!

    Ari has yet another ear infection - another double infection actually - and we have to consider putting tubes in his ears. Poor little man! I can't imagine him having general anesthesia and it all makes me so nervous - and then I remember your family's strength with all of the procedures Bella went through. And I know if we need to do it, I can manage it and be strong for my little boy. The joys of parenthood I suppose. ;)

    Cara in Tucson

  14. Tim,

    It's Jane from the rooftops.

    I've been awfully quiet recently. But I'm still here. And still thinking. And still listening.

    You speak like nobody else. You motivate like nobody else. You are remarkable. And your energy is extraordinary.

    However, I do understand the misgivings and concerns that some of your readers have addressed above and I acknowledge their discomfort while also appreciating your fervent desire for a path towards big money going to the big players in the cure for EB.

    Why have I not yet said I'm in? Do you know, my biggest problem lies once more with this whole issue of the familiarity/unfamiliarity of the internet.

    Let me explain: your blog let us all become your and Bella and Ang and Ali's friends. You welcomed us and we felt involved and the grief was and is horribly huge, given that most of us have never met.

    I mentioned that this disconnect might be at the root of some people's uneasiness in attending the celebrations of Bella's life after she passed away.

    Maybe this is what is causing some people to be backward in coming forward in your fundraising campaign. I don't know how easy it is to persuade others to contribute to a cause that one knows only through a cyber alliance.

    My friendship with the Ringgolds is a friendship that doesn't involve my husband or my family. It's me and my computer - and you and all you do.

    If I were to say 'I'm in', I know I would find it difficult to explain to others my link to a little child (that lovely Miss B) far from a million other causes that hover right here on my horizon.

    Is that feeble? I think it is. But, having just put the phone down for a local hard-of-hearing charity campaign and having just answered the door to a lady collecting for a city foodbank here, I do know that there are (particularly at this time of year) people knocking and calling and pleading and hoping and asking for much needed bucks to keep all these balls up in the air.

    My problem is in the thought of having to spark the giving instinct in other people when my prime link with EB is through the reading of blogs.

    Maybe this is just a problem with me - but sadly it seems a whole lot easier to motivate people to donate to a cause when they have a clear and direct and evident link. In real life.

    My alliance with you is most definitely real to me and I truly appreciate the ways in which you make me think and feel and reassess my life and my approaches to the lives of others. You are a gift, all of you.

    But I think that's where I am faltering.

    You still rock.

    Fondly, falteringly,


    PS All of the above doesn't definitely mean 'I'm out', it just means I am more slowly brewing a considered and useful response to your requests. Which sounds ridiculously pompous. But I'll get there in the end.

  15. Hi Tim,

    It's Greenie again,

    I just love what Jane from the rooftops writes. She always says what is in my mind and heart. I did make a gift to EB in Bella's memory , but I cannot commit to any amount for the future. I cannot ask friends to commit either. My two main charities are for children. I am a 77 year old senior working to supplement my social security and very thankful that I am able. I have spent 53 years agonizing over my son who was born with birth defects and had no support along the way. He still lives, but has not planned his life well. That causes much grief too. Who knows, I was lucky enough to be born healthy and haven't done life perfectly either. We survive and do the best we can, which, with the help of my Higher Power who has guided me.

    Whenever I feel I can support EB along with childhood cancer and childhood blindness, I will add EB to my list. I will never forget Bella and you, her family and what you all have suffered and will continue to support whenever I can. I'm with some of the previous commenters as to the "hard sell" method. You might lose more than you gain. I think appealing to the heart might be more beneficial than appealing to the head. Just a thought. Maybe Plan B might be something to think about.

    I look forward to seeing you all again at HCC.

    With love, Greenie

  16. The way some of the others see it is NOT the way I see it. I see a man with a passion to change what is happening. A man with a plan to stop a disease that took his daughter away. Are you pushing us? Yes but not in a way that should be viewed in a negative light. I choose to see you pushing me to do my part in finding the cure. I am being pushed to think. How can I raise money? I am being pushed to reach push myself out of my shell. Do I have lots of money at the moment? No, we struggle daily just like lots of other people. We drive old cars. We have a house that we fix along the way. I need a job but can only work limited hours because of Clara's medical issues. But I am still in. Why? Because I can do this with out just asking people for a donation. I found away and I know there are other ways out there. I see you trying to inspire the troops not trying to force us all into doing something.

    I read one of the other comments about maybe it because of people not really knowing you...just knowing you through the internet. I get where they are coming from because that is what I faced when I told my family about my desire to attend Bella's memorial. "Why would anyone ever want to attend a memorial for someone they have never met? Are these people real?" Those are two questions I faced. I what if I have never met Bella. Does it lessen the way I feel for her? What my heart feels so deeply for her? Does there really need to be a physical connection to embark on a mission? You see it all the time on tv. People give to organizations and you never really see (or meet) the people that get impacted.

    We all need to pick and choose what is the most important to us. Every day, every moment is a choice...I choose Bella.

    Sending my love to all and sweet kisses to Ali.

    Denise WI

  17. Thanks for those exerpts from your new book. I'm enjoying them. I'm bummed there's no pictures tonight but, that's not your fault.

    Thanks for your daily inspiration Tim.

    Lots of Love,
    Amber, Craig, Malorie(2 1/2), and Liam(11 mos)
    The McLaughlin Family
    Moreno Valley, CA

  18. Tim,

    I can see both sides of this. I was wondering if you had considered adding a permanent link or tab in your closing/signature of each post. That way it is there for people to see and possibly donate if they are a first time visitor to your blog. It's also a less subtle reminder (in my opinion), but very visible as well.

    I hope this makes sense.